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Wedding Week Repost: Shake The Etch-A-Sketch

October 11, 2014, 9:00 am
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As we are now winging our way west to tie the noose, er, knot, I have decided to do some reposting for the week. 

This particular post first  appeared Wednesday, December 03, 2008 just a scant few weeks after I'd started this blog. It's a little piece about me, who I was, how I met Carlos, and how this all started.

So, without further ado ....


Shake the Etch-a-Sketch


We all do it; follow that line we set up for ourselves. We plod a course, the straight and narrow some might say, and then walk that line toward a particular destination we've imagined we want. And every so often we twist the knobs, and set out on a course of curves and newness, moving in a direction we hadn't thought of before, but it's a slow curve, not dangerous, you can still see where you're going. We might not like it, but we can always go back.

But what about shaking the Etch-a-Sketch? What about saying, screw that line, damn that curve. Let me hold on tight, both hands, and shake things up.

See, I was an Etch-a-Sketch person. I followed the line that I thought I was meant to follow. I didn't stray too far off the path; who am I kidding, I never strayed off the path. But then it hit me, follow the path, that straight line or that gentle curve, and where are you going? Toward another straight line, one more gentle curve? What was that all about?

My first shake was telling my parents I was gay. That was a big shake at the time, although now it seems more of a 'so what.' But I thought it was a big deal because I didn't have a real life reference point on what it meant to be gay. What were the rules? Was there a uniform? Did I have to pay dues? What was it? See, in my family there were no 'funny uncles' or 'aunts in plaid' that I could see; that I could say, "Hey, I'm like that, so it must be okay." The only gay men I knew were the limp-wristed types on TV shows and in the movies. They wore ascots and paisley jackets, were sarcastic and alone. Terry-Thomas? No, not me. Uncle Arthur, I was not....at least I didn't think so.

So I shook the Etch-a-Sketch and came out. No one died. No one fainted. My family didn't disown me. I lost a few friends, but then I think they weren't really friends to begin with if "I'm gay" causes them to disappear. I'm gay.....Poof.....you're gone. It's like a homo David Copperfield. Now, of course, I was gay and yet I still followed that straight line that had been set before me; I'll save you the horror of joking about me following a 'straight' line. It's been done.

Then about eight-and-a-half years ago, I gave the Etch-a-Sketch a gentle nudge. I got a computer.....yes; I was late to the game...one step behind. But I got a computer and then started looking around the Internet. I was on AOL and went into a chat room--Gay Lifestyles, I think it was called. It was a fun chatty room where you could be gay, where you could step off the line a bit because no one really knew you.

Then I met Carlos in that chat room. And we started to online chat. The lines jogged a bit off-course for me. We began to call one another; he was in Miami, I was in California. Then I bumped the Etch-a-Sketch and told Carlos I wanted to meet him. He was thrilled and plans were made for me to fly to Miami in July. JULY? IN MIAMI? Oy! What was I thinking?

But I bought the tickets and readied myself to take a sharp turn. I've split my life into Old Bob and New Bob. See, Old Bob would have bought the tickets to Miami, told everyone he was going, and got on the plane. But then when it made a stop in Houston, Old Bob would get off the plane, find a Motel 6, and spend the week there. Then he'd return home and tell everyone that Carlos was 'okay.' The trip was 'fine.' I'd ignore Carlos' phone calls and stay off the computer. I'd go back to following that line.

But New Bob didn't do that. New Bob flew to Miami and met Carlos and spent a wonderful week in Florida. New Bob fell in love with Carlos and cried at the airport when he had to go home. New Bob's Etch-a-Sketch was shaking. And it was okay; twists and jogs in the oath weren't anything to fear.

A month after I came home, Carlos came to California and we did Meet The Family. I was so happy to have him there; so happy that my family liked him; my friends, too. But then he was gone home again and I wondered what would happen next.

It wasn't but a few weeks before I hurled the Etch-a-Sketch across the room and chose to follow the path I chose, not one that was arbitrarily set out for me. Carlos and I made plans for me to move to Miami. I sold a car, some furniture, some knickknacks; I got rid of my apartment and quit my job.

Every once in a while, you gotta Shake the Etch-a-Sketch.
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Wedding Week Repost: Make The Yuletide Gay

October 12, 2014, 9:00 am
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Yes, I know it's not Christmas yet, but since we're getting married this week, I'm gonna post one because it looks like a party.

I love a good happy jolly Christmas story and since I didn't have one I thought I'd repost this ....


Make The Yuletide Gay


So we decorated the tree last night. I had one of those days of running around, Post Office, bank, store, cook dinner, do the laundry, sweep, clean.....a real CinderFella, I am. And so the mood soured as the day went on. I hauled the box with the tree inside it — yeah,it's fake, okay, I got lots a pine trees in my yard so why do I need another one left to die in my living room?

Yeah, it's that kind of mood. Anyway, I got the tree, the ornaments, the garland, the lights, for inside and out, all out of the garage while Carlos was at work. He came home, and of course said I should have waited for him to get the tree out of the garage.

Wait for you, I sneer, Then we wouldn't have a Christmas tree up until Easter.

Man, I can be a bitch! It's like Joan Crawford and the PepsiCo Brad.

Don't fuck with me, fella. This isn't my first time at the rodeo.

So we eat dinner first, a delicious baked chicken breast, over rice with black beans, corn, tomato, poblano pepper, and a green mole. Delicoso! Then I change into my jackboots and Nazi uniform, because I am a tyrant about the tree. I don't know where it comes from, but there it is.

Put the little ones on the inside! It gives the tree more depth.


I'm Martha Freakin' Hitler. More depth? What in the hell does that even mean?

No, you have to put some on the bottom.

Go to the OTHER side.

Put 'em on the back.

Not those! Theeeeeeeeeeeeeeese!

I goosestep around the tree, inspecting it, moving one ornament from branch to branch. We ran out of ornament hangers and Carlos walks away for a few minutes; he returns with a box of.......paper.....clips.

Paper clips! We are white trash. At last. Next year I think I'll get a stapler and a glue gun. Not for the tree, for Carlos.

Why not just string tin foil and plastic wrap around the tree, It's shiny and purty!

You put two blue ones side-by-side.

You have three on ONE branch!

You are not allowed to decorate the tree next year.

Of course Carlos, being the sweetest human being ever, simply smiles at my, well, histrionics, shall we say; my order barking. My just plain barking. My snapping. My yelling. My being a big old raging bitch. Tis the season! I need an egg nog, with extra nog, if you get my meaning.

Finally, finished. And without bloodshed. Well, Carlos bled a little when he jabbed his finger with a hanger, but I was out of the room, I swear. The cats will vouch for me! We light up the tree and sit and relax. It does look pretty but it needs more ornaments. I say that every year and every year we buy more and put them on. Pretty soon we'll do without the tree all together and just pile the ornaments in the corner and call it Christmas.

Sorry I snapped, I say.

It's okay, he mutters, his lower lip jutting out like a shelf.

Where's my gun?

That's a joke...........I don't have a gun.

Hmmmm. Maybe Santa will bring me one.
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Wedding Week Repost: Equal Rights Aren't Special Rights

October 13, 2014, 9:00 am
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This first appeared on ISBL back in December 2008, and it reinfoirced the belief I had then, and the belief I have now, especially given that I am getting married this week, that, while some folks were all gung ho for Civil Unions, they were "less than."

Equal Rights Aren't Special Rights


This is a good day for gay marriage. Another step in the right direction, toward equality. 

After allowing civil unions, the New Jersey Civil Union Review Commission has come out with a report that says Civil Unions don't work, that the only fair, equitable solution, is for New Jersey to join Massachusetts and Connecticut, in allowing gay men and women the right to marry. 

Marry. Say it with me. Marry! 

Because, as they say, it is still 'separate but equal,' this civil union business. It creates problems for gay couples, and gay couples with children regarding medical care and so on. 

A few years back, when we were still living in Miami, Carlos had appendicitis, and we had to rush him to the Mount Sinai on Miami Beach for surgery. Of course, he's in absolute pain and we have to admit him and fill out paper work and all that rot, but I found something interesting. 

They were asking him who to notify, in case of emergency. He pointed to me; the nurse asked if I was his brother, or another family member. I thought I knew where this was going and I tried to jump in before Carlos answered, but I was too late. 

He's my significant other, Carlos said. 

The nurse gave us a look, stared at the computer screen for a moment, and then smiled. I get to use the new form, she said. We have a category now for same-sex couples, to put down the contact person as a significant other, or spouse or partner. She told us they hadn't been able to do so in years past and it created difficulty for gay couples. 

Now, I could make decisions for Carlos if necessary. I could stay in the room with Carlos while he was hospitalized. i was allowed to wait in the Family Waiting Room when he had surgery and the doctor came out after the procedure to tell me Carlos was fine. 

I would have hated to be at Mount Sinai in 'years past' and been denied visitation because I wasn't family, been denied information because I wasn't family, denied being treated equally because I wasn't family. 

Of course, now we're in South Carolina and I don't know if that same generosity of spirit, that understanding of what makes a family, what makes a couple, exists here. But New Jersey is showing us that it can, and it should. 

I don't want to be treated differently than anyone else, I want to be treated the same. 
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Wedding Week Repost: Straw Hats and Bow Ties

October 14, 2014, 9:00 am
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I remember watching an episode of Sex and the City ... I'm gay, so that answers that question ... and Samantha was asking if anyone is ever really happy in their relationship every single day.

Charlotte said she was, and Samantha, stunned, asked, "You're happy in your relationship every day?"

And Charlotte said, "Well, not all day, but, yes, every single day I'm happy in my relationship."

That's how I feel about Carlos and here's a little repost from March 2009 as an example of why ...

Straw Hats and Bow Ties


I have one hard and fast rule — actually I have about a thousand, but we'll deal with this one today—unless you are under six or over eighty, you should never wear a bow tie.

Amended to add: or unless you're Carlos.

Backing up a bit. When I flew to Miami nine years ago to meet Carlos face-to-face, he was picking me up at the Ft Lauderdale airport. I knew what he looked like, and he knew me; we'd emailed and snail mailed pictures. But he told me he'd be wearing a bow tie when I arrived so I could spot him. And yes he was; a cute little bow tie and a bunch of roses. He looked adorable, although that one hard and fast rule played in my mind.

A bow tie?

Come to find out, Carlos only wears bow ties when a tie is needed. And of course, being the 21st century and being Miami, we weren't invited to too many functions where a tie was necessary, so I didn't see him in one for a long while.

Flash forward to yesterday. We're meeting Roger and Thomas at the HuffawFawFaw Hall — it’s actually called Springdale Hall, but at first I thought it would be a pretentious affair, hence the HuffawFawFaw. I showered and shaved and cologned and styled and got myself pressed and dressed and spackled and shined; and Carlos did the same.

He came down the hall wearing a new green shirt and a yellow bow tie. That rule rang a bell in my head. Then I looked at him.

He was the cutest thing ever!

I have changed the rule as of yesterday. No bow ties unless you're Carlos.

But then he put on an actual straw hat, and for a moment I thought I was going to lose it. Straw. Hat. Oh honey.....No.......no. And then the damned thing increased his cuteness level tenfold. I may have to keep him in bow ties and straw hats forever. My heart skipped a little he looked so handsome.

Sometimes you forget, when you see the same face day after day, just how handsome they can be....even in a bow tie and straw hat!
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Wedding Week Repost: Tie Him Up! Tie Him Down!

October 15, 2014, 9:00 am
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In a couple of days we'll become Mister and Mister ... not to be confused with that last century pop group Mr. Mister, so here's another one of those Carlos Stories that y'all seem to like.

There are millions from which to choose, but this one, from August 2009, is a personal favorite.

Tie Him Up! Tie Him Down!


Sunday was errand day at Chez Smallville. Carlos had to work an HIV presentation on Saturday, and then we met up for a late dinner at a Smallville bistro we like, so our usual Saturday errands were pushed back a day. But it was supposed to be hot, so we decided to keep it simple. Groceries at Kroger and a quick stop for weed killer and spray nozzles for the garden hoses at the Homo Depot.

That is not a misspelled word. It's HOMO Depot.

We parked near the garden center and went in. Carlos is hypnotized by plants and he began to wander off like he's found the mother ship and it's time to go home. I shout after him, "I'm going inside to get the things we need. Stay out here and I'll be right back."

The best laid plans.

I get the weed killer. I get the spray nozzles -- which look like fazers....phasers?....from Star Trek, and I head back out to plant central to pick up Carlos.. he isn't there. I wander around the aisles of plants and pavers and trellises....ooh, I want to put a trellis up against the side of the garage....keep moving. No Carlos.

I whistle for him. I know, he's not a dog, but in Miami we had a cat named Voncie who would come running if I whistled a certain way, and now Carlos and I use it when we can't find the other one of us. So, I whistled. No Carlos.

I go back inside the Homo Dept to the weed killer aisle thinking he went to find me. No Carlos. I go outside to where they keep the spray nozzles thinking he's waiting there. No Carlos. I whistle. No Carlos.

I head to the cashier and pay for my things and walk out to the car. Would he have gone back to the car? No Carlos.

I head back inside whistling out loud and cursing to myself. Weed killer. No Carlos. Hoses. No Carlos. Plants. No Carlos. I was thisclose to going inside and telling a cashier that I had lost my little girl, Carlotta, and having them page him for me, when I see him sauntering toward me.

I've been looking for you, I said.

I found some drapes, he told me.

Drapes.

Weed killer. Spray nozzle. Plants.

Nope, not a mention of drapes at all....oh wait......over breakfast he said we needed new drapes for the sunroom.

Drapes.

I saw a video earlier this week of a mother literally dragging her son by a leash through a Circuit City or Best Buy or something. At the time I thought it was horrendous. Now I'm not so sure. I'm thinking we should stop at Pet Smart and get Carlos fitted for a leash.

That was Sunday in Smallville.
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Wedding Week Repost: A Truly Wicked Getaway

October 16, 2014, 9:00 am
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One thing I love ... love ... LOVE ... is a showtune. I sing showtunes so often to Carlos that i fear when he has me committed, and since we'll be married in a couple of days, the possiblilty looms closer, he'll do so because I think I'm Ethel Merman mixed with Patti LuPone and tossed in with Betty Buckley and Indina Menzel.

But, if I go, at least I'll go out belting a Broadway melody.

Here's a repost, from January 2010, of a trip to Greenville for a Wicked good time.

A Truly Wicked Getaway

Well, as many of you know, I celebrated my farumph-humph birthday this week, and Carlos and I took a much needed midweek getaway up to Greenville, South Carolina.

Greenville, you say. South Carolina? Really? 
Well, the reasons were two-fold. One, we had never been up to Greenville and we'd heard lovely things about it; And Two [well, really the Number Two reason was Number One]Wicked was playing at the Peace Center, and I have loved it since I first heard tell of the Witches Of Oz...before that girl came to town. 

So, with Wicked coming to Greenville, we were going to Greenville. 

Carlos and I took a couple of days off from work, got the sister of Round The Way Gay, David, to pet sit the ShoeBox Dog and Los Gatos, and off we went. 

For those of you unfamiliar with all things, or anything, South Carolina, the state is divided into three sections: The Low Country....think Charleston; The Midlands....think Columbia or Smallville; and The Upstate....Greenville. Very close to the North Carolina border and seemingly a world away from Smallville. 

Greenville is one of those rare small towns that has revived itself and is reinventing itself, thanks to things like a good strong university, and businesses like BMW and Michelin, which both have factories up there. Plus, Greenville seems to be able to bridge that gap between old town quaintness and big city life. There are all sorts of restaurants lining main street; art galleries; pet boutiques; gift shop; knickknack stores. And they maintain that sense of small town even with the new construction going on all over town. They respect the old and work with the new. 

It really has become one of my favorite towns. And right here in little ole South Carolina! 

Go figure. 

We spent that first day strolling down Main Street, stopping into Trio for lunch; window shopping and just, Aaaah, relaxing. The downtown area is, and I hate this word but it applies, vibrant, even in mid-day. Business folks out for lunch hour, martini gals stopping by to get liquored up before carpooling the kids home; and homos. While it isn't really cool to be gay in Greenville, you don't get that Go Home Queer vibe you get from other southern cities. 

At the Barkery Bistro, where we had to stop so Carlos could get a gift fro the ShoeBox Dog, we met Frank, who moved to Greenville from LA and San Francisco and Arizona. Frank is family and we spent a good deal of time talking to him; he told us where to go, before and after the show; what to see, which shops we should stop into. We found out the next day, at Mia Dimora, that he is affectionately known as Mister Downtown. He's kind of an unofficial Welcoming Committee Of One.


We took his advice and ended up discovering some great places and some fun people.

Greenville straddles the Reedy River, and they allow the buildings to take full advantage of the river, the falls, and the green areas.There are hotels and apartments, restaurants, and the Peace Center on both sides of the river west of Main Street, and then the Falls are on the east side. We strolled through the park, along the bridges and listened to the falls; you get the feeling that you are far away from everything, but you're still right there.

That night we ate a pre-show dinner at High Cotton, right along the river. Two glasses of birthday Champagne; seared rare Tuna with a pine nut vinaigrette, for me. Salmon for Carlos. A wonderful Pinot Noir with dinner; birthday apple tart for dessert with cappuccino.

Then it was off to the main event:Wicked. I've been a fan of this show since before it opened on Broadway and love to see it again and again. While I am considered a Friend Of Dorothy, I am also a friend of Elphaba and Galinda. And Fiyero.....in riding pants!

This production, the touring company, was really well done; though it helped that we had fabulous seats.

Heléne Yorke, as Galinda, before the Gah is silent, was hysterical; possessing the same gorgeous voice as Kristen Chenoweth, who originated the role. She was perky, and sweet, and sappy, and dorky. Totally Galinda.

Marcie Dodd, as Elphaba--the name comes from the original writer of the Oz books, L. Frank Baum--was spectacular as the misunderstood green witch. Her voice soared at all the right times, and she really captured the essence of both Idina Menzel and Margaret Hamilton; a tough feat.

Colin Donnell was Fiyero, the man who loved Galinda and fell in love with Elphaba. I mentioned the riding pants. There weren't the best part of his performance, but they were spectacular. Yum! But he also had a terrific voice, and alongside Yorke and Dodd, he really creates a vivid believable love triangle.

Plus, it didn't hurt at all that, the Peace Center used a full orchestra for the musical; when we saw it last in Ft Lauderdale, it was sung to recorded instrumentals. Good, but not as good as having the musicians right down front.

If you haven't seen Wicked, you should go. It plays along nicely with The Wizard of Oz, and yet stands completely on its own.

Fab.U.Lous!

Funny note, though; while leaving the theater and strolling back across the river to the car, I overheard two women talking about the musical. One said, I can't believe they didn't sing "Over The Rainbow!" it's one of the most popular songs ever!

This was after the show, and yet she still thought she was seeing The Wizard Of Oz. I felt like dousing her with a bucket of water.

The next day we slept in a bit, and then had a lazy breakfast at the Coffee Underground. Full on delicious breakfast for two, for well under $20! I know! Then we took a walk back up to the Barkery Bistro to give Frank a recap of the show, and to trade email addresses and such. If he ever comes to Smallville, we'll show him the sight.....yes, sight. Singular. Oh well.

Then Frank sent us off to Mia Dimora, a designer store with all sorts of things for the house. I found a great metal calendar--you use magnets to note the month, date and day--with a lovely pig chalkboard. it's a little bit country, and a little bit cool. We found a great ceramic baking pan for roasting peppers, and a stone you set in a bread basket to keep bread warm all through dinner. The owner of the shop, Elaine McCanless, and I talked kitchens and pets, Smallville and Greenville, while Carlos talked music and orchestra with Derek, who was unloading a shipment of new stuff. It's refreshing to walk into a shop and find the owners and workers so friendly, and willing to talk about, well, nothing really.

We visited the Mast General Store, an old-fashioned emporium that sells everything from camping gear to candy, shoes to mugs. Carlos found a, um, cowboy hat he simply had to have, but, I'll give him credit: he's handsome in a hat, straw or cowboy. I got some flannel jammie pants and a couple of cool Mast General store coffee mugs: Masquerading as a normal person day after day is Exhausting and I live in my own world, but it's okay, they like me here. And, to counter Cowboy Carlos, I got a ball cap.

We continued our walking tour and found ourselves at the far end of town where the revitalization has just begun. Old buildings house new restaurants; new buildings look old and house....housing. There's baseball field, for the Greenville Drive farm team, and I thought, I'd love to come up to a game one weekend. But then I thought of the last time Carlos and I went to a ball game. To see the Marlins. We went with a group of his coworkers, and had a hot dog and drank some beer, and then, just after the first inning ended, Carlos stands up and announces, Well, that was fun.

I told him the game had six more innings. He sat back down.

Maybe we'll do the Shakespeare Festival in Greenville. I don't think they have innings.



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Wedding Week Repost: Happy Anniversary Wedding Day

October 17, 2014, 9:00 am
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I first posted this back on October 17, 2009, the first year of this blog. Back in those days there were only a couple of places where Carlos and I could get married, but we celebrated our anniversary anyway, like a couple of old married men.

I seriously never thought I would see the day that I would ... I could ... marry Carlos, with my father as a witness, but here we are today doing just that. I just wish my mother and sister could have been here in more than just spirit because, as much as they love me, they love Carlos as much ... maybe more.

So, next year, when we toast to our happy anniversary, it won't be another year of living in separate but equal sin, but our first actual wedding anniversary.
And who know,s by this time next year, marriage equality might exist in all fifty states.

Now that's something to celebrate!

Happy Anniversary


I was late to the party, the Internet party. I didn't get a computer until the mid-90s, and didn't get online until a couple of years after that. But I learned that all things happen for a reason.

I got myself on AOL and through a friend at work I learned of something called a "chat room" where you can just talk to people from all over the world. Huh? What? Huh? 

But I decided to give it a shot and I found an AOL Chat Room called Gay Lifestyles and figured I'd go in. I was the quiet one in the corner until I learned to speak up, or is it type up? 

But I digress. 

I liked the chat rooms just for the fun and jokes, not for the hook-ups - -there were other rooms for that sort of thing. I was single and that was okay. I'd had a couple of mini-relationships that didn't pan out and figured maybe I'd be the single guy, and that was okay. I liked my life, my job, my house, my friends. What more did I need?

But in April of 2000, I was in a chatroom and someone asked the obligatory "Where is everybody from?"

I answered "Cali here" because I'd seen other people call California by that name.

A few minutes later I got an IM from someone who asked about Cali. We chatted for a few minutes and then he asked me how long I'd lived in Cali. There was a mix-up; he was talking Cali, Colombia, and I was talking Cali California. It could have ended there but we decided to exchange emails and chat some more.

And then he suggested we talk by phone. I was already attracted to him just by what he said and the way he thought about things, and, being the shy one, I was a bit apprehensive, but said Okay.

That day I raced home from work so I could be ready for the call. There was a three hour time difference for us, between Miami and Sacramento, so it was getting late for him, when my phone rang.

I remember hearing his voice that first time. I remember falling in love with that accent. I remember what we said, and how we said it, and how we wanted to talk more and share pictures and find out all we could about each other. I remember how he laughed that first time. And we talked every day and night, even with the time difference. I'd call Florida when I woke up and talk to him at work, and he'd call Sacramento before he went to bed and I was getting home from work. And we emailed and IM'd and sent packages and pictures and songs we liked. 

It was a long distance romance, though I wanted to decrease the space between us.

I told him I wanted to meet him and we discussed who would come where and when and how. He had no vacation time and I was ready for some time off, so I took eleven days in July off and flew to Miami. I know! Miami in July! What was I thinking? Well, I was thinking that I was in love. I was thinking I wanted to see Carlos face-to-face, I wanted to hear that accent in person. i wanted to know all about him. I was thinking he was 'the one.'

We met at the Ft Lauderdale airport on July 11th, 2000. He wore a bow-tie and had a bouquet of roses. He looked like his pictures, though much cuter, and he smiled so sweetly. We had lunch and then walked on the Lauderdale beach; we drove to South Beach and stayed in a hotel because his aunt was staying with him in his house and we wanted privacy. We spent a weekend in Key West and Carlos wore a sarong as we walked through town to see the sunset. I heard him play his trumpet with a volunteer orchestra he belonged to, and I met his Aunt Gloria--who became my tour-guide and friend, and aunt--while Carlos was at work. I met Dengoso, the poodle; Thomas, Scruffy, Sweety, Lady, Voncie, Spunky and Squeaky, the cats. 

I wanted this, this man, this life, this place.

That vacation flew by and we were both in tears at the airport not knowing what was next for us. Moving? Staying long-distance friends and lovers? What was next?

Next was a visit from Carlos to California. And a Meet-The-Family dinner. Of course, my family loved him. my Mom loved him because he loved me; my sister loved him because he's a nice guy; my brother loved him for that same reason. My Dad loved him because Carlos is Carlos, what you see is what you get. No pretense. And I took Carlos to meet my friends and we had dinners and parties and good times. San Francisco. Tea in the Japanese Garden. A drive around Lake Tahoe. Then he had to go home and, once again, we wondered what we would do next.

It didn't take long. We still called and emailed and sent things through the mail. He spoke with my parents and friends and I spoke with his family. And then, it was just clear: I would move to Miami. I didn't really have a job that I couldn't get in Florida and, well, there are times in life where you just have to, as I like to say, Shake the Etch-A-Sketch.

So, where does this all lead? It leads to today, fourteen years after I stepped off another plane in Florida, though this time I wouldn't be staying just a week or so. Fourteen years ago today Carlos and I started our life together and there was no looking back; only forward. 

On this day in LGBT history, I met the man I call my partner, spouse, my husband, friend and lover. It's a fourteen-year-old ride that never gets old, and it sets the stage for another fourteen and another fourteen and so on and on.

Happy anniversary, happy wedding day.
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Wedding Week Repost: Mad About The Town

October 18, 2014, 9:00 am
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Well, since I'm away, I thought I'd offer up a little tour of Smallville [real name: Camden} for those of you — and I'm assuming that's all of you, who've never been here.

Camden is the fourth oldest city in of South Carolina, and is actually the oldest inland city, with a population of roughly 8,000. In total area, Camden is 9.8 square miles, of which 9.6 is land, and 0.2 is water.

Like I said, Smallville.

In 1730—yes, almost three hundred years ago — Camden became part of a township plan ordered by King George II, and was laid out in 1732 as the town of Fredericksburg in the Wateree River swamp — just  south of present-day Camden.

When King George III ordered eleven inland townships established along South Carolina's rivers, few of the area settlers chose to take lots surveyed in the town, choosing the higher ground to the north, and the Fredericksburg Township soon disappeared.

In 1758, Joseph Kershaw, from Yorkshire, England came into the township, established a store and renamed the town Pine Tree Hill. Camden became the inland trade center in the colony, and Kershaw suggested that the town be renamed Camden, in honor of Lord Camden, the champion of colonial rights.

In May 1780 the American Revolution came to Charleston, and that town was captured. Afterwards, Lord Charles Cornwallis and 2,500 of his troops marched into Camden and established it as the main British supply post for the Southern campaign.

The Battle of Camden, the worst American defeat of the Revolution, was fought on August 16, 1780 in Camden, and the Battle of Hobkirk Hill was fought by 1,400 American troops led by General Nathanael Greene and 950 British soldiers led by Lord Francis Rawdon on April 25, 1781. The latter battle was a costly win for the British, and forced them to leave Camden.

And there’s the Robert Mills Courthouse, designed in 1825 by "South Carolina's Architect", Robert Mills. The courthouse features a copper roof, brick floors, vaulted central hallway, double arched ceilings downstairs; built to be fireproof, the walls of the courthouse are 22-inch thick masonry at the base covered by plaster, tapering to about fifteen inches thick at the second floor.  The single courtroom has been restored to conform to an 1845 renovation, when wide pine plank floors were installed to cover the second story brick floor. 

Robert Mills, also known as America's first architect, studied under Thomas Jefferson, PIerre L' Enfant, and James Hoban, and also designed the Washington Monument and the U.S. Treasury Building in Washington, D.C.

After the Civil War — Camden was one of the few Southern cities not directly involved in the war — Camden became a place where rich Northern families would spend the winter, bringing their prize horses with them. The town became associated with many equestrian activities, and is now the home of the third oldest active polo field in America. In the winter, more than 1,500 thoroughbreds call the field home and for that reason, Camden is now known as the ‘Steeplechase Capital of the World’.”

The Carolina Cup is an annual event held on either the final Saturday in March or the first Saturday of April, with the first race held on March 22, 1930; the Cup has been held every year since, with the exception of 1943 and 1945 when a little old thing called World War Two got in the way — why they had a Cup in '44 is not known.

The races have become a South Carolina tradition, and normally draw crowds of over 70,000 spectators to Camden. As Casa Bob y Carlos is on the road to the racecourse, we see most of these people driving, and walking, to the Cup.

The Cup has become a premier social sporting event at Springdale Race Course, which is also home to the Marion du Pont Scott Colonial Cup held on the third Sunday in November.

It's a big deal in Smallville.

And so, y'all, there's a little history, and a few pictures of Small.....er, Camden.

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Wedding Week Repost: An Open Letter To Those Folks Against Marriage Equality

October 19, 2014, 9:00 am
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Dear Anti-Marriage Equality People,

So, you're against gay marriage? Um.........why? I mean, if you believe that marriage should not be changed to allow same sex couples that right, then how do you explain how marriage has constantly changed over the course of these centuries? Sure, it used to be only for men to marry women, but sometimes, a lot of times, men were allowed to marry as many women as they wanted.

But then it changed to one man and one woman.

Men then married women and used them as chattel, property. They owned their wives and the wives did exactly what the husband wanted or the punishments came swift and severe. But then that changed and now women and men share equally in the marriage. No one owns the other, and women have this thing called free will.

Fathers sometimes gave their daughters up to be married so that the two families, when united, would become more powerful, either with money or land-holding, or via political power. But that's changed now, too. Women aren't "given" in marriage in exchange for anything.

We had one man and one woman of the same faith marrying. You did not ever marry outside your own faith into some other, heathen religion. Now, that doesn't hold true any longer.

And for many centuries you didn't marry outside your own race. A white man with an Asian bride was shocking. A black woman and a white man, married, was illegal in many places as recently as the 1960s.

Now, men and women of any race and religion and socio-economic, political, educational background are free to marry anyone they choose of any race and religion and socio-economic, political, educational background. Unless it's two men or two women.

Please, anti-marriage equality people, explain?

You say that some religions would be forced to perform same-sex weddings. Not so; that little thing called Separation of Church and State works both ways; it protects our government from being influenced by religions [sometimes] and also allows religions to remain unaffected by US law. The government cannot make a church change its core tenets and beliefs, no matter how wrong anyone thinks they might be, to force them into performing same-sex weddings.

So, what's your argument, then? Seriously, I'd like to know.

You are heard saying that marriage is created to produce children and create the future, but then how can you allow people to marry who don't want, or can't have, children? They aren't creating the future, they're just pledging their love to one another.

You oftentimes say that gay marriage will destroy traditional marriage, but you never seem to say how. It seems enough just to use the word destroy to strike fear into people. So, again I ask, how would my marrying my partner "destroy" a heterosexual marriage?

You are often quoted as saying you must protect the sanctity of marriage, and yet I don't see any outcry over divorce in this country. If marriage is so sacred, then how can you allow people to enter it, and then leave it, so cavalierly? How are you protecting the sanctity of marriage?

So, anti-marriage equality readers, and I know you're out there, please explain how gay marriage is bad. For anyone. I'm seriously curious.

Sincerely,

Newly Same-Sex Married Bob
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Mr. and Mr.

October 20, 2014, 8:00 am
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I remember as a kid — a not-yet-out-but-knowing-I-was-different kid — telling my mother that I would never get married, but I would have a maid to take care of my kids.

How things change; as I remember that story, I think it was my first shot at coming out — as a six-year-old, I think — because, even then, I never thought I could get married, would be allowed to get married, but I always thought I could have children, if that’s what I wanted.

Years later, years later, after meeting Carlos, falling in love with Carlos, and moving three-thousand miles to be with Carlos, I still never thought I could get married, and,  while I like children — deep-fried with a side of ranch dressing … I kid — I knew I didn’t really want children.

And now, fourteen year s after that, I realized I could get married — perhaps not in South Carolina, yet — and that I would get married. We both wanted to do it, and we planned it a couple of times, but it never seemed to work out; things happen, life happens.

I wanted to get married on our anniversary, October 17, because, and he’ll hate me for saying it and then he’ll quickly forget I said it at all, Carlos is bad with dates; I figured the last thing he needed was another “us” date to recall.

So this year, this past summer actually, we decided to go for it. We’d planned a trip to New York City — one of our favorite spots where equality has landed — and planned a week of sights and shows and drinks and just plain fun. I called my father and told him the good news; he said he was so happy for us but that he wouldn’t, couldn’t come, because he doesn’t 'do' big cities. I thought, Oh that’s okay, Dad and let it go, but every time we talked about it, he’d always say that same thing.

And then it hit me: I’m an idiot.

My father was saying how much he wanted to see Carlos and I marry; he’d seen my brother get married, he walked my sister down the aisle, and he wanted to see Carlos and I marry as well.

New York was out, and Bellingham, Washington was in.

The only difference was that in Washington we’d have a three-day waiting period from getting the license to the actual I do’s rather than the twenty-four-hour waiting period in New York. But, it meant that much to my Dad, and it meant that much to me to have him there for this big life event, so it was worth it.

So, Washington there we went; up to Sumas, in fact, a literal hop and skip — no jump because it’s that close — to the Canadian border. Dad’s house is about thirty minutes from Bellingham — a smallish beautiful city along Bellingham Bay — and that’s where we went last Monday to fill out the marriage license.

One hiccup? I’d forgotten Monday was Columbus Day and, as I tend to do, I was freaking out that, if the government buildings were closed, we might miss our three day window to get married on the 17th and since we were leaving on the 18th to come home, we might completely miss this chance. 

Damn that Columbus and his bad sense of direction; had he made it to India, we wouldn’t be taking a day off in America!

Luckily, though, for whatever reason, all government buildings were open, and off we went for the license; the first step and it was a snap. Sign here, show an ID, and hand over some cash; bing bang boom, done.

Then it was off to lunch with my Dad and while driving we wondered about the three-day waiting period. I told Carlos it gave people a chance to make sure this was what they wanted to do and he replied,

Yeah, three days! Because fourteen years isn’t long enough.

I almost drove off the road.

But the wait was on; we spent time with my Dad; we spent time touring the area; we spent time making sure we had the rings, the jackets, the kilt, the shoes, the address, the judge’s name. I guess we did need to three days.

By Friday we were ready and anxious to get this thing done. Since the only person we know in Washington is my Dad, and we needed two witnesses, my father asked a friend of his to join us. I’d met Casey before, and liked her, and, well, witness this already! Casey brought along her boyfriend Tyler, so we ended up with a spare, you know just in case.

At four-thirty we ran into the Bellingham Courthouse — through security … do I really need to take my belt off — and upstairs to where Judge Henley was waiting for us. Then it was short trek down the hall to an open courtroom, followed by a few instructions, a quick chat …

Judge Henley said the ceremony calls for the use of the words ‘spouse’ or the use of the words ‘husband’ and asked what we wanted to do. Carlos and I said, in unison, Husbands!

Anyone can have a spouse, we wanted a husband.

I don’t remember too much about the actual ceremony, really. I remember giggling a little and giving Carlos a side-eye during the richer-poorer part because I thought he’d say, Hmm, poorer? Maybe not so much.

And I remember getting teary-eyed listening to him repeat his vows because Carlos can be very serious and he rarely gets weepy; but he stumbled over some words, and his voice cracked, and my eyes watered, but we made it through.

A quick exchange of rings — again, that’s them up there on top — and it was kiss the groom.

Kiss.The.Groom. Who knew? Bing bang boom, married.

Afterwards, my father took the wedding gang out for dinner at a great restaurant along the bay, where we could watch the sunset over the marina, and drink a little and laugh a lot, and just let it all sink in. My father, some new friends, and my new husband.

It was all so simple, really, and yet such a long time coming; from the days when that little kid never thought he could get married to last week when a  much older kid realized he could, and would, and did.

Fourteen years down, the rest of our lives to go.

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I'll Hold Off On My Parade For The Catholic Church

October 21, 2014, 7:00 am
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Last week we got word from the Vatican that maybe, maybe, the Church was changing their stance on The Gays and before you could say, Ooh Pope Franky, where did you get the red Pradas, The Gays and The Gay Friendlies had broken out the Rainbow Flags and the Glitter Balls and the Mardi Gras Beads and were outside marching and cheering the Catholics.

All because we learned that the Church was thinking of including The Gays because, ahem, I paraphrase, we have gifts to offer the Church even though we are, ahem, I quote, “morally problematic.”

Morally problematic is a reason for a parade, Gays? Really? Morally problematic?

Luckily, we’ll never find out what that means because, right after that select group of Catholics thought about being nicer to The Gays, another group of Catholic bishops decided to say F**k it — or the religious equivalent thereof — and scrap their whole welcome to The Gays Plan.

In fact, they even skipped over a watered down version of The Welcome to The Gays and, rather than consider us — well, some of you, I guess, if you’re Catholic because I’m not — as someone who has gifts, or as my father called it, money, to offer the church, the newly revised non-welcome now refers to The Gays as one of the “problems” that Catholic families have to confront. Mind you, though, the Bishops said nothing about that other problem of priests who rape children because, well, I guess that’s not really a problem …

And we're stopping ...

Let me put that this way: say there was a very elite, rather expensive, worldwide boarding school. And say that the story broke that some of the teachers in that boarding school, in schools all over the globe, were raping children. No, what if you then found out that the headmaster, and all past and future headmasters, knew about the sexual abuse and did nothing. And in addition to doing nothing, they allowed those teachers who rape the opportunity to avoid prosecution by moving to another school, you know, where there are fresher choices to rape. Or, maybe they asked those pedophile teachers to quit their jobs but still receive a nice big pension. Would you sit idly by and let that happen?

And we’re back …

In addition to calling The Gays morally problematic, and deciding that they should still welcome us because we have money to toss in the collection plate — money to replace the tens and tens and tens of millions of dollars the Church has paid to rape victims worldwide — the Bishops have also decided not to be nice to divorced Catholics, even the straight one, and to civilly remarried divorced Catholics, though they were not dubbed morally problematic, in saying that they cannot receive Communion.

Yes, the Church has no problem with rapist and pedophiles; it has no problem with bigwigs in the company — and let’s face it, the Church is a business — from aiding and abetting those rapist, but God forbid, literally, you are a man-loving man or woman-loving woman, or have been divorced because, yeah, you’re not their kind of people.

So, the next time you hear Pope Franky mention one single word about The Gays and how times have changed, celebrate the fact that, at least, he’s talking about us in a somewhat positive way, and not in the framework of straight to hell or a blight on humanity or a moral problem, but let’s hold off on the parades and the celebrations until the Church actually does something.

And then does something about their rape problem.

Ow! I haven't ranted for over a week, and I should'a stretched first!

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Mama Grizzly Bore™: Perennial ISBL Asshat

October 21, 2014, 1:00 pm
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Can you believe it’s been six years since we dodged that bullet, that Double-Barreled Shotgun Blast that could have sent the McCain/Palin ticket to the White House? I mean, bad enough that we’d have Grumpy Grampa McCain perched on the front porch of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue telling the world to get off his lawn, but we could have had the Mama grizzly Bore™ just a heartbeat away from not knowing a single thing she reads as it comes across her desk in the Oval Office.

Whoosh. I got chills just thinking of that American Horror Story!

And then we had the MGB™ hightail it back to Alaska, only to quit because people were asking questions and pointing fingers and, well, it’s too hard, dontcha know. And so I figured she’d go away, and we’d hear nary a peep out of her again, except the minions that follow her, that think she is the Second Coming of … Something, and she came back, tellin’ us that she was gonna work towards making sure Obama was a one-term President.

How’d that work out, Grizzly Bore? Uh huh.

So, then she “wrote” a book and let her single unwed mother of a daughter dance for her life on television, and she kept telling us that she would help every single Republican she could get elected; how’d that work out for you, Christine O’Donnell? Uh huh.

But still, the MGB™ formed a PAC — a Political Action Committee — to raise money for good God-fearing, America-loving, lame-stream media hatin’ Republicans all over the US of A, and, well, how’d that work out?

Well, I’m here to tell you it worked out really good, if your last name is Palin, but it worked out really bad if you’re a Republican running for office.

While the MGB™’s SarahPAC has performed sadly, badly — putting it mildly — as a fundraising machine for the GOP, it has lined the coffers at the Bank of Bore. A report filed with the Federal Election Committee [FEC] showed that, out of $1.4 million the PAC had available in the third quarter — $978,000 in the bank, with another $433,000 raised during that time — SarahPAC donated just $45,000 to fellow Republicans running in the midterms.

That’s 3% for y’all that are math challenged. Three percent. And that’s nothing new; for the two-year 2014 cycle, the former Alaska Quitter’s PAC raised $2.5 million on top of more than $1.1 million that was in the bank at the start of the cycle, and yet it spent some $2.7 million, with about $150,000 — or 5.5 percent — going to candidates.

What happened to all that other money, though, you may wonder.

Well, she paid consultants to advise her on whether she should run for president and possibly all of them told her No; she paid someone to consult on “coalitions” whatever that means. And she paid for travel, her own travel, because how else can she spread the crazy all over the country when she has to pay her own way, pay her own hotel bills, cover the mini-bar peanuts and whatnot.

And the PAC sent $10,885 to HarperCollins — publisher of all three MGB™ books — for “books for donor fulfillment”, though that wasn’t the only book purchase by the committee: $13,000 was listed as being spent for “lodging, SUV rental, books for donors.”

And by donors, we all know she means that brood, and that husband of hers, because why should any of them work when Mama’s got donors handing over cash right and left?

Now, it’s not illegal to create a PAC to raise money for Republicans and elections and then give pennies on the dollar to those causes; there are few rules when it comes to what PACs can spend money on.

It’s just like welfare, you know, for rich, needy, clingy, ex-governors who crash and burn on the political landscape and have no redeeming qualities that anyone needs or wants. It’s a way of living off America and not really working.

It’s everything the Mama Grizzly Bore™ is opposed to, unless it works to her advantage,
And I guess it’s a paltry sum knowing that she will never, ever, be in a political office again because even her minions are growing tired of her squeezing them for coins and giving them nothing back.


Mama Grizzly Bore™, the ISBL Asshat for All Time.

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The Battle of the Amendments

October 22, 2014, 7:00 am
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I’ve said it before on this bloggy thing, but it bears repeating: I am not a gun person. I don’t own a gun and have no desire to own a gun, but that’s just me. I have fired a gun, though; as a kid I went skeet shooting with some friends and I liked it when I hit the target, but when I didn’t … not so much.

That said, I don’t want to take away people’s guns even if I want to see people register their guns, license their guns, be responsible for their guns. That’s all. But gun owners in this country — at least some gun owners — seem to think that if you’re pro-gun control, you want all the guns banned, taken away, destroyed. It’s that fear-mongering thing again; it’s gun folks versus non-gun folks and, at least in Rochester, Minnesota, it’s gotten crazy.

Kimberly Edson recently planted a sign in her own front yard that features a picture of Matthew Halleck, a man who lives in the area, and the words:
"This man carries a loaded gun around your children every day."
Naturally, Matthew Halleck isn’t happy with it and he wants the sign removed. See, he doesn’t think Edson has a right to say what she wants to say — possibly because it’s about him and his gun-toting ways — and wants to shut her up; he wants to limit her speech because she’s worried about his carrying a gun. In fact, he’s thinking of suing her for libel, though he needs to get to a dictionary and look up the word and then realize he hasn’t got a case.

What he does have, however, is a state-issued permit to carry the gun and, in the state of Minnesota, residents don’t need a permit to purchase, use or carry rifles and shotguns, though they do need a license to purchase and carry a handgun; open carry is prohibited in all public areas unless one possesses a recognized permit.

And Matthew Halleck insists he needs to carry the gun for protection because, well, walking down the street in Rochester is, I’m guessing, dangerous. And Kimberly Edson may not disagree with that, but she does feel that people have a right to know who’s coming down the street with a firearm:
"Since we don't have a way to stop him, we felt it was important to notify the neighborhood and the parents that there is an armed man in their presence. The first couple days of school he had it very visible, we saw it and were quite concerned. I have a responsibility to help create the kind of community I want to see, and I don't want to see a community where there are guns around schools.”
So, when Edson saw Halleck carrying his gun — she saw him meaning it was out and on display — she called the police who told her Halleck has a legal right to carry off school property. Then after Edson posted her sign — with Halleck’s picture on it — he promptly called police to tell them about it. The sign was taken down, briefly, but then Halleck was told that Edson was not breaking any laws either, so it went back up and that’s where it stands.

Here’s how it breaks down, though: Matthew Halleck has a Second Amendment right to carry the gun, and Kimberly Edson has a First Amendment right to say she doesn’t like it, so who’s right and who’s wrong?

Well, for me, Matthew Halleck can own a gun, but does he have to open carry it while walking down the street? I don’t think so; he might be one of those responsible gun-owners, but what about the not-so-responsible people on the sidewalks? What if one of them decides to take his gun from him and start shooting? Who’s to blame then?

For me, I’d wanna know who’s got a gun, and where they are so I can avoid them, and I should have the right to say that, and to tell people that. I’m not saying he can’t carry his gun, but he can’t say that I don’t have the right to spread the word about it.

If he wants us all to honor his Second Amendment right to carry a gun, then he has to honor Edson’s First Amendment right to Free Speech.
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Architecture Wednesday: Toro Canyon House

October 22, 2014, 1:00 pm
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I always wanted a getaway house and this just might be it … though to “get away” it might require a seven-hour flight followed by a bit of a drive, but still …

Toro Canyon House is located on a large plot of land near Montecito at the top of a mountain and adjacent to national park land so it’s all about the beauty and the nature and the quiet.

The road, which had to be built for access, brings the visitor to a point below the house, where a set of stairs leads up to the entry space and the front door, which, when open, reveals views of the Santa Barbara coastline through the courtyard.

With so much open space, the house feels almost like a pavilion, with the house organized around three courtyards; the primary one being the heart of the house and serving as the entrance and the outdoor living room. The courtyards bring in ample natural light and ventilation but also protect the home, and the rooms, from the strong winds that can race across the mountain.

The thick, rough concrete walls were custom color-mixed to match the dark red and brown tones of the earth at the site — would you have it any other way? The walls form a rugged shell that punctuated by large openings and Alaskan cedar wood siding.
It’s the house of house where one can get away, right out in the open.

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When All You Have To Prove Your Point Is Lies, You Need To Sit Down

October 23, 2014, 7:00 am
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For years, decades, centuries, we’ve heard the lies that the so-called “religious” folk tell the world about The Gays; that we’re pedophiles, we f**k dogs, we’re mentally ill, diseases, immoral, amoral. We don’t count; we’re bad for families, we undermine traditional marriage. God hates us.

And yet one-by-one those lies have been shot down and disproved, so what does the religious right do next, as marriage equality begins to spread throughout the country? Well, they say that churches will be forced to perform and condone same-sex marriages, until we watched as every state that has embraced equality, through voters, legislatures, judges and courts, has said that no church will ever have to perform a same-sex wedding if they choose not to do so.

So now what does the religious right do? Well, yeah, they lie some more.

In Idaho there are two ministers, Donald and Evelyn Knapp, who own the Hitching Post, a for-profit wedding chapel in Coeur d'Alene; for-profit means it’s a business and not a church, remember that. But the Knapps say they cannot marry same-sex couples at their “business” because it goes against their faith; they’ll take straight folks money but no cash from The Gays because, they say, God. And with marriage equality legal out there to Idaho, the good, er, not so good, Donald Knapp said he would close his business — in this economy — rather than let The Gays marry in his little business chapel.

Good. Bye.

But, at the center of this issue is Coeur d'Alene’s anti-discrimination ordinance and, depending on how the Knapp’s have licensed their business, they would  likely would be exempt from the ordinance, meaning they could not, would not, have to perform a same-sex wedding. And yet, while the Knapps will not now have to perform a same-sex wedding, the religious right, have hitched their wagons to the Hitching Post and are using it to make money for their special brand of crazy.

The Alliance Defending Freedom [ADF] is a right-wing Christian law firm created by other hate groups like the American Family Association, the Family Research Council, Focus on the Family, Campus Crusade for Christ, and Coral Ridge Ministries.

The ADF has a habit of lying, which we’ll get to in a moment, but let’s take a look at their biggest lie; they claim to have an 80 percent winning record in fighting against marriage equality, but have lost a ton of high-profile cases on this issue, including Bostic v. Rainey, which brought marriage equality to Virginia, and, fingers crossed, South Carolina very soon; they lost in Bishop v. Oklahoma, which legalized same-sex marriages in that state; they lost the Elane Photography case, which found that photographers cannot refuse to do business with same-sex couples; and they lost the Perry v. Schwarzenegger case, which ultimately brought same-sex marriage to California.

So, they may win some, but when they lose, they lose big.

Now, the ADF has filed suit in Idaho, claiming the Knapps have licensed their Hitching Post as a religious business and therefore should be exempt from Coeur d'Alene’s anti-discrimination ordinance. But, as we’ve seen from these religious groups that hate — and let’s be queer, it is hate — The Gays, the lawsuit filed by the ADF contains several incorrect statements or lies.

The ADF claims the Knapps recently "respectfully declined" to perform a same-sex wedding "and now face up to 180 days in jail and up to $1,000 in fines for each day they decline to perform that ceremony."

But a cursory glance at the City of Coeur d'Alene's anti-discrimination law suggests that the fine, if the city chooses to impose a fine, is more like $100 per instance, not per day, meaning even if the Knapps were fines, they’d pay a hundred bucks.

And as for the arrest of the so-called pastors? Yeah, that’s a lie, too. There are articles in all sorts of religious papers and sites claiming that the Knapps were forced to shut down their business; that’s a lie. They chose to shut down their business rather than follow the law; they chose to shut their doors rather than hear a gay couple say ‘I do.’

Their choice.

The religious right has also claimed that The Gays — specifically some unnamed gays in Idaho who wanted to marry at the Hitching Post and were declined — have filed a complaint with the city.

That’s a lie. As of right now, as you’re reading this, there has not been one single complaint filed against the Hitching Post. Even the ADF seems to be spreading the lies claiming on their site that the Knapps face fines and jail time; now, that could be true, if the Knapps had been “ordered” to perform a same-sex wedding and refused to do so, but that hasn’t happened.

Let’s be queer: no gay couple has asked the Knapps to perform their wedding; no complaint has been filed. The Knapps, and the ADF, though, aren’t telling that story.
It should also be noted that the Hitching Post has recently changed the wording on their website from this:
We also perform wedding ceremonies of other faiths as well as civil weddings.
To this:
The Hitching Post specializes in small, short, intimate, and private weddings for couples who desire a traditional Christian wedding ceremony.
See what they did there? They took out the words civil wedding because, you know, then they might be forced to perform a same-sex wedding. In other words, they lied.

And it gets stickier problem because, when contacted by The Coeur d'Alene Press for comment, Don Knapp said the Hitching Post is not operating as a not-for-profit religious corporation; and he also said that he doesn’t even know the ADF attorney who seems to be presenting himself as their attorney.

Lies.Not a lie, however, is the statement from Coeur d'Alene city spokesman, Keith Erickson, who made the city’s point very clear:
"We have never threatened to jail them, or take legal action of any kind."
Oops. What happened to all those stories of fines and jail for those poor ministers who run a business of marrying people in all kinds of ceremonies, religious and civil?

Lies. That’s all the religious right has left to fight marriage equality. Lies.
source NCRM
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Random Musings

October 23, 2014, 1:00 pm
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We don’t take a lot of long vacations here at Casa Bob y Casa. We might take a day trip to Charleston, or an overnight to Asheville or Savannah, but long trips? Not so much. Maybe once a year, if that.

So, to leave the house for well over a week to head out to Washington to get married — did I mention I got married, because I did — was quite the problem for the furry kids. We had a friend, and her kids, come in to care for the kids, feed them, play with them, let Ozzo go outside for his business, but our pets, while they liked the idea of being fed and watered and having clean litter boxes, were not keen on strangers … strangers … in their house.

The report was that for most of the week, Ozzo was depressed; MaxGoldberg wouldn’t come out from under the bed, and Miss Consuelo Roca-Jones was never seen at all. In fact, when we learned during our trip that Consuelo never appeared, I worried that she’d somehow gotten out of the house because that bitch er cat never misses the chance to be first in line at meal time.

Only Tuxedo showed up, and we heard that he showed up to supervise. He followed out pet-sitters around the house, checking everything they did, everywhere they went; he watched the dog go outside, and made sure the dishes had the right food; he ordered the treats to be served at the right time, and always used the litter-box after cleaning to make sure it had been done properly.

Of course, after we got home, Ozzo went insane, racing like a bullet around the house; MaxGoldberg and Miss Roca-Jones ran and hid, in a display of temperament, or anger that we dared leave them alone.

And only Tuxedo allowed himself to be greeted and hugged and kissed … by at least one of his Dads.

Ah, pets. They really let you know what’s going on.
Big news from across the pond is that people who live at Buckingham palace — though not the Queen, I think — are bringing their online hook-ups home for the night.

Uh huh. Buckingham Palace staffers have sparked internal security fears by bringing bootie calls, met on dating apps like, oh, say, Grindr, back to their living quarters, ands police guarding the royals are said to be ‘deeply concerned’ at the number of unvetted overnight guests.

Like it’s a freakin’ Motel Sex, er, Six.

According to well-placed sources — Hey Camilla! — many of the Queen’s 800-plus staff use online dating tools, and while most live-in servants — including butlers, maids and kitchen staff — are not allowed to bring guests into Buckingham palace, they can, and do, sign in visitors to their living quarters at St James’s Palace and the Royal Mews.

Still, if it happens there, it’s happening at Fuckingham, too, if you get my drift.
Okay, so marriage equality South Carolina update:

Our Will of the People Fund case, Bradacs v Haley et al, was required by Judge Michelle Childs to submit briefs by today; Childs can either rule without reading the briefs, or after reading.

From what I understand, though, she is bound by the ruling of the Fourth circuit Courts, and should therefore rule, either today, or by the November 13 deadline she set, to allow marriage equality in the state.

That said, let me take a moment to thank Nel, from Rhode Island, and Mark, from Delaware, for their donations to the cause as a wedding gift for Carlos and me. There would be no better gift than to have our marriage recognized in our state.

TahnkYouThankYouThankYou.

Lord, this Ebola thing is getting g out of hand.

Not the disease itself, but the reposting of who has it, how they got it, whose fault that was, where are they, where they’d go, did they sneeze, or fart, or vomit or crap their pants.

Keep it in perspective people. As I heard on NPR, more people have been married to Larry King — and to Kim Kardastrophe, for that matter — than have contracted Ebola in the country.

Every sneeze isn’t Ebola.

Stop it.
We love Scandal and we love How To Get Away With Murder. There used to be this thing called “Must See TV” and now that’s become, for us, “WTF Just Happened TV.”

I also love that both shows, created by Shonda Rhimes, feature all kinds of people, black and white, and every color in between, gay and straight, men and women, and don’t feed into the stereotypes of any of those folks.

Recently, though, there was a second, very hot, scene between two men on HTGAWM and some folks got their panties in a snit about it; like this woman who Tweeted:


And then Shonda Rhimes Tweeted back:


Good on Shonda!
Speaking of TV, here’s the Hot Man Alert for the New Season:

Brit Dominic West, baring butt, in Showtime's The Affair; Brian Hallisay, the cop with the big beautiful guns on Revenge; Michael Socha, the newest fairy-tale character, Will Scarlett, on Once Upon a Time; and Michael James Shaw, burning up the screen on the upcoming Constantine.

You’re Welcome.
So Renee Zellweger showed up at an even this week looking like, well, not Renee Zellweger, and social media went into snark overdrive.

It really was mean-spirited, and, as happens on these anonymous sites, a free-for-all. But then Zellweger herself weighed into the fray, saying this:

"I'm glad folks think I look different! I'm living a different, happy, more fulfilling life, and I'm thrilled that perhaps it shows. My friends say that I look peaceful. I am healthy. For a long time I wasn't doing such a good job with that. I took on a schedule that is not realistically sustainable and didn't allow for taking care of myself."

Let me say that if Zellweger had any kind of procedure, that’s her business and her right, and we shouldn’t denigrate her, or any man or woman for doing whatever they want to make themselves happier and more at peace with themselves.

That said, Renee, really? That is not the face of happy and fulfilled; that is a very different face altogether, and we should be able to bring it up in conversation, polite conversation, otherwise it becomes the lifted and tucked and Botoxed elephant in the room, Just sayin’.
Monica Lewinsky’s back, y’all. And am I the only one who finds it curious that she always resurfaces when Hillary Clinton is expected to run for office?

Yeah, Monica, right. But now, Lewinsky has taken on the crusade of online bullying because she says she is the first person to be “destroyed” by the Internet.

Bitch, please. You were attacked and reduced because you f**ked a married man, presidential or not, and then kept the DNA-stained clothing as some kind of trophy.

You really need to stop talking, permanently.
A group of conservative moms in Florida seem to have forced Toys R Us to pull four collectible dolls based on characters from AMC's "Breaking Bad."

Now, this one I don’t have a problem with, because I don’t think a meth-making doll is the kind of ‘toy’ kids should be playing with, though, if an adult, an adult, wants this kind of memento, go right ahead.

Toys R Us says the figures were sold in limited quantities in the adult-action-figure area of its stores but the fact is they were sold in a ‘toy’ store.

I’m kinda with the moms on this one. What do you think?
When former Playboy bunny Jenny McCarthy joined The View I knew she’d become the dumb one — which is saying a lot since Sherri “I’m not sure the Earth is Round” Shepard s still on — but now McCarthy is talking more, and sounder even more stupid.

If that’s possible. See, now she says she’s always felt “transgendered” on the inside:

"I feel like that inside. I always felt like one of the guys wearing, like, a Playboy bunny outfit. I was David Spade’s buddy to begin with, so I was a natural fit [to play a transgender character on Spade’s 90s show Just Shoot Me] and I always felt like his brother. To play kind of the dude, was almost too scary natural."

Seriously? So, you played transgender and that made you think you’re kinda transgender?

Siddown. But that wasn’t the dumbest think this bimbo said. She also went on to say she’d be over the moon if her son was gay:

"Oh my god, I would be so excited. We can shop! Do my hair!"

Right, because that's what every gay boy likes to do!

This gay boy hates shopping, hates the idea of touching Jenny McCarthy’s fried weave, and hates the idea that anyone is asking to interview this moron.

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I Didn't Say It ...

October 24, 2014, 7:00 am
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Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Supreme Court Justice, on the Court's refusal to take up any of the marriage cases presented to it:

“[As] you know when there's no disagreement among the Courts of Appeals, we don't step in. The major job that the Court has is to keep the law of the United States more or less uniform, so when Courts of Appeals disagree about what the law of the United States is, then we are obligated to grant review. If there had been a court of Appeals on the other side, we probably would have taken that case, but up till now, all the Courts of Appeal agree, so there is no crying need for us to step in.”

Because right is right, and equality is equality, and all Americans deserve that.
I loves me some RBG.
President Barack Obama, on the Supreme Court’s refusal to take on marriage equality:

“Ultimately, I think the Equal Protection Clause does guarantee same-sex marriage in all 50 states. But, as you know, courts have always been strategic. There have been times where the stars were aligned and the Court, like a thunderbolt, issues a ruling like Brown v. Board of Education, but that's pretty rare. And, given the direction of society, for the Court to have allowed the process to play out the way it has may make the shift less controversial and more lasting."

And more right.
Greg Abbott, Texas Attorney General fighting to keep the state’s marriage ban, on whether he would have defended a prohibition on interracial marriage had he been in office 50 years ago:

“Right now, if there was a ban on interracial marriage, that’s already been ruled unconstitutional, and all I can do is deal with the issues that are before me … I can’t go back and answer some hypothetical question like that.”

He can’t answer if he would fight to keep a ban on interracial marriage? And that’s what the GOP is putting up as their candidate for governor of Texas. Lord help them.
Benedict Cumberbatch, on why The Imitation Game, the story of gay hero Alan Turing, doesn't have an explicit gay sex scene:

“You don’t see him [Alan Turing] having sex. That’s not an exploration of someone's sex life. The fact that he's chemically castrated because he admits to being a homosexual; he talks about entreating a young man to touch his penis. I mean, it's pretty explicit. If you need to see that to understand that he's gay, then all is lost for any kind of subtle storytelling.”

Plus, the sex isn’t the story being told; it’s his life, and he was far more than just a gay man.
Shonda Rhimes, on why her shows have so many gay and lesbian story lines:

“Because I believe everyone should get to see themselves reflected on TV. EVERYONE. And because I love all my gay and lesbian friends. AND because I think same-sex marriage is the civil rights fight of our era and back when being a person of color was the civil rights fight, people like Norman Lear put black people on TV and helped change some minds. So you know, it's gotta be paid forward. As long as we are willing to sit by while one person is not free, none of us are free. And FINALLY: because as long as someone feels like it is okay to ask the question "why all the gay people on your shows", then there is still a HUGE problem that needs to be solved. It's like asking "Why all the black people on your shows" ... Which is, in fact, why there are also a lot of people of color on my shows . Cause people keep asking. Like it's unusual. Which means we have a LONG way to go ... Okay, done preaching."

Snap. Love her.

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Would You Hit It?

October 24, 2014, 10:00 am
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Jai Rodriguez.

I remember him from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and then .... :::crickets:::

Then he was on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy: Ten Years Later and then  :::crickets::::

Still, it warrants one question:

Would.You.Hit.It?

Yes or No.

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PR 13, Ep 13 & 14: Finally! The Finale!

October 24, 2014, 1:00 pm
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Well, before we get into the PR Finale, I need to take a moment and say that this post is number :::gulp::: 6,000.

Six-%$&#-ing-thousand.

Even i didn't think I could talk so much, but I just wanna say Thanks for coming along and listening, er, reading and commenting.

It's appreciated.

Now, onto the PR ...
First up, last week ... Tim and Heidi tell the Final Four! Final Four! that they each have $9000 and five weeks to complete a ten-look collection for Mercedes Benz Fashion Week based on a trip to Rome for inspiration; or, a travelogue, maybe , because I didn't get it. I mean, they sightsee, drink wine, and talk about how much they want to win, and then it's back home, back to work, followed by the visit from Tim.

Kini's in Hawaii putting together a "Park Avenue Princess in Rome" collection of denim and structure and pleats; Tim seems happy. He's not so happy in Detroit with Char because he doesn't see cohesion, point-of-view or, perhaps, actual fashion. In Nashville with Amanda, he seems kerfuffled that she's making clothes and jewelry and accessories, and building her own plane to fly back to La Grande Apple; he warns her to tone it down. Meanwhile, Sean is in Brooklyn, creating a collection based on the murder of Caesar. He has some fringe working, and when warned that Nina doesn't want an All Fringe Collection, Sean says, "Nina's not the dictator of fashion! She can't tell me what to do!" Tim might not agree, but he likes Sean's collection, those he wants him to trim out the more ready-to-wear pieces.

Back in NYC, the designers get twisted when they learn hear that the judges want to see a sneak preview of their collections, though they're happy to learn that no one will get a last minute Auf'ing.

So let's rip...

SEAN 
He says his collection is clean and luxurious, and the judges are in love with it. Heidi loves it, and The Adorable Zac Posen™ says it's "exciting." Nina is worried about the fringe: "How much is there?" Sean says, with a sly smile, "Enough."
WHAT I SAID
I like his collection; that freaking jumpsuit fits like a second, albeit fringed skin. But I agree that too much fringe makes Sean a One-Trick Money ... or something. 

CHAR 
She says she's going for a youthful, fresh vibe but Heidi echoes Tim with the lack of cohesion comment. Nina, never one to mince words, tells Char to trash and burn her one-shoulder dress with partial transparency because she hates it. The Adorable Zac Posen™ wishes he saw more of Char's personal style in her designs.
WHAT I SAID
It looks like something you can get at a mall; and not a high-end mall. Char could be good but she needs to turn it up.

AMANDA 
Oh, how she loved the buildings of Rome ... with the graffiti on them. The judges seemed to like her collection, though they loved her jewelry more. Nina thinks the jewelry makes all her clothes look more expensive and tells Amanda to step away from Bohemia a little.
WHAT I SAID
It was all a bit frumpy for me; the colors, except the blue, were drab, and it just said Sad Sacks, to me.

KINI 
Denim and pleats and structure, oh my! Heidi starts off the drubbing with an "I think you're much better than this." She finds it well-made but too dated. Nina tells him to lose his showpiece coat, and The Adorable Zac Posen™ agrees. Then they all pile on about the styling; too much eye shadow, not sexy enough; too old lady; not enough separates.
WHAT I SAID
I liked the coat; sue me. But I did get a little Madame feeling when the looks stood side-by-side.
WHAT HAPPENED
Kini's a wreck; Sean's gonna make one less fringe-y look; Char is headed to the outlet stores in Passaic for inspiration. Amanda is sitting back saying, "They liked my jewels."

Now, the Finale ...

We find the designtestants right where we left them; Kini is at a loss, Char is utterly out of her league; Sean if literally cutting fringe; Amanda’s trying to get out of Haight-Ashbury and up to Nob Hill.

What to do, what to do? Well, for starts they get a Tim Gunn Pep Talk — and he really makes it clear what they need to do — and a trip to Mood with an additional $300 for more fabrics. Only Amanda has enough of her fabric and so she skips Mood and heads to the workroom, while Kini, Sean and Char made a last-ditch buying effort.

Kini rips up his coat and turns it into, well, perhaps four different looks; Char buys more great print and a hideous gold fabric that Tim wants to rip from her hands because it’s old lady. Sean buys an orange silk to make a flowy dress, without a hint of fringe. Amanda chops up a hippie dress and makes a skirt and tunic, and leather pants.

I imagine it’s terrifying to make even one new look — much less four or five … or ten — in a day and a half, but before you know it the thirty-six hours are up and the designtestants are taking stroll on that long, looooong PR Catwalk, and then heading backstage, where the only real drama is when one of Amanda’s models tries to switch out her shoes for something else. I applaud Amanda for not hitting the girl over the head with the shoes since all the girls wore the same ones and this one twig wanted something different.

And so, without much drama, let’s rip…
CHAR

WHAT I SAID
Her clothes are nice, but nice doesn’t win the PR. Char dresses herself so cool and hip and now, and yet makes clothes that aren’t new and hip and now. She was all over the place, with avant-garde puff pieces, and a shirt that said ‘Fly’ on it. Her worst look, for me, was the ‘Fly’ shirt because … really? I loved, though, that two-piece print dress because it was sexy and fun and cool.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

The Adorable Zac Posen™ called her clothes beautifully cut, customer ready, with a cool Solange Knowles vibe; does that mean Elevator Brawl Ready? Asking for a friend.  But he thinks she needs to bring up the fashion.

Inexplicably, Heidi liked the hoodie dress, but not so inexplicably she liked the print midriff-baring two-pierce number. But she felt that some looks were very simple—no fashion—and she hated the long coat of the last look because the fabric—Char said it was upholstery fabric—was so stiff. She did think that the clothes shared Char’s vibe, though.

Guest judge, actress Emmy Rossum, was confused, because she saw two different girls on the runway: a sophisticated and clean look and a sporty resort-wear look.

Nina Garcia liked that Char makes “real” clothes, and said she was good with prints and colors; she did hate the Kleenex dress because it was too much, and warned that Char seems to try being something she’s not rather than being herself.
KINI

WHAT I SAID

His clothes are perfect, but he’s kind of one-note: denim. I missed the color in his collection—that might have amped it up a bit—and felt that the pleated dress seemed stiff; it moved as one-piece while the model walked. And that last number was a Kitchen Sink Dress, with everything going on. Perfect craftsmanship, but he needs to tone that down and think about design. I did not like the Coffee Filter Dress because it was so top heavy, or the last look because it was such a cartoon; I did like the leather shorts and the white top—sexy-riffic.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Emmy Rossum loved the pleated denim dress, and the dress with the coffee filter top, but she hated the boxy belly baring coat; she called his girl the uptown moves downtown girl.

Heidi loved a lot, and loathed a lot; her favorite was the white top and the leather shorts; she wanted more of that young, hip sexy vibe.

Nina loved the used of denim, the sexy use of denim, and was also a fan of the pleated dress. She loved the flirty skirt with Kini’s trademark — or soon to be trademarked — use of horsehair to create the flirt. But she says he sometimes tries to give them too much.

The Adorable Zac Posen™ called his clothes impeccably made, but stylistically he needs work; he pointed out that the last look had a lot going on: fishtail hem, huge shoulders, cinched waist, neoprene inserts and a Madonna pony.

AMANDA

WHAT I SAID

The two looks with the pants? The pants seemed ill-fitting and kind of saggy; I don’t know if that was intentional. I liked her patterns, but her clothes were saggy and baggy and I don’t know the woman who wants to wear a sack, even a good color-blocked sack. I wasn’t really impressed; not awful, not good, just a ‘Meh.’ Her worst look was the sad leather pants in Look One; ill-fitting, very ill-fitting. Her best, for me, was the last look, the blue one; not quite as saggy as others, and the one with the most color.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Nina says the whole thing looked effortless; She loved Amanda’s use of color, and said she thinks Amanda is ready to move up.

The Adorable Zac Posen™  loved her pattern cutting and really loved her jewelry — methinks there might me some AmandaGems in The Adorable Zac Posen™’s next collection? He calls her collection the most original on the runway but says that while not every woman will look at Amanda's clothing and find it easy-going and accessible, he likes her attitude.

Heidi loved the flowy dresses, and the short brown and black number, but felt some were odd fits: like the strapless blue dress beneath the suede cut-out number.

Emmy thinks Amanda's point of view is very clear and that she remains true to herself.

SEAN

WHAT I SAID

Too much fringe; but the fringe that was there was gorgeous. I loved that he had a great color — orange really is the new black — and that his clothes were soft and sexy and structured and flirty. His collection was by far the most Wow collection. I loved that first all white look, and the crisp white shirt over the orange and white fringe number; I was not a fan of the dress with the fringe on the bottom worn over pants — that look, if it’s not yet over, should be.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID
Nina called it the most editorial of all the collections, and loved softness of fabric and the crispness he brings from his menswear background. But, though she didn’t say it, she is over the fringe and knows Sean can do better.

Emmy was wowed by the all-fringe finale piece, and loved that he had a cohesive, cool, storyline. She said he seemed to be the next great voice, and had a flesh deign aesthetic.

Heidi called his looks sophisticated, and loved the black gown — girl loves her fringe — and loved the way the colors changed throughout the show; she did, however, hate the second look, with the dress over the pants. But she said his collection had the most ‘wow’ moments.

The Adorable Zac Posen™ called Sean “the full package", adding that he put on a great show, with sexy edgy clothes, and he cannot wait to see what Sean does next.

WHAT HAPPENED

Char said she should win because she “eats, breathes, and lives” fashion, but the judges — and me, too — feel she needs to push herself, and find her voice. Char’s Out.

Kini said he’s shown everyone that he is great and speedy at sewing, now he wants to show how he can design. But, Kini needs more time to edit, and find a voice, too, so — and this was a huge surprise — he’s Auf'd.

Amanda wants to build a brand, a huge brand, while Sean wants to tackle his unique voice, and his way with a storyline collection.

Who wins? The one who wants to make a big business or the one who wants to create?

Sean wins.
MY TAKE

I liked that Char, Sean, Amanda, and Kini weren't nasty and bitchy and mean and catty to one one another; for once we had a Drama-Free Finale!

No eleventh look twist as they’ve done in seasons past.

I was truly surmised Kini went third; I wasn’t a huge fan of his looks, but the man can sew.
I think Amanda was just there for the “Bring Her back” attitude. I think she was set for Fashion Week from the get-go, as was Char after the Tim Gunn Save.

As for Sean, yes, I found him adorable — I have a thing for men with accents — but his collection was fresh and new, and, yes, overly fringed, but he does have a different voice.

Next week, the reunion, and Korina is still carrying around her anger and her grudge and her bad attitude, and PR All-Stars!

What did YOU think?



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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

October 25, 2014, 6:00 am
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When last we left Taylor Swift and Katy Perry they were throwing shade at one another in interviews and on Twitter. Oh, they never say each other’s name, but it’s clear TayTay’s pissy with KayKay, and vice versa; about backup dancers and John Mayor, fer chrissakes!

And now Katy has upped the feud by cozying up to one of Swifty’s many, many, ex-boyfriends … Harry Styles … boyband Harry Styles.

A source — and we know it’s Katy “anonymously” fanning the flames of PopTartFeud — says Katy has been openly flirting with the tween-star:  “Katy had her hand on his arm and was playing with her hair – she was being really obvious.”

And so, naturally, someone passed a note to Taylor in English class and now a source from Taylor’s camp — and you know it’s actually Taylor because the other people in Taylor’s camp are probably grown-ups with real  problems — says:  “Taylor thinks Katy orchestrated this whole thing just to mess with her. It makes her blood boil that Katy has this sweet-as-pie image when she’s one of the most conniving girls in Hollywood. Taylor calls her ‘the evil one’ – that’s how much she hates her.”

Pot.Kettle … Both of you need to clam up, or maybe there should be a food fight in the cafeteria after school and settle this once and for all.
What do you give the child who has everything … except two parents who are constantly running around the globe without her?

Well, if you’re baby NorthSouthEastWest, you get dolls that look just like mommy Kim Kardastrophe and daddy KrayKray West so you never ever start thinking the nannies are your real parents.

I guess that’s easier than actually having to be around your child. And I imagine Kimye will commission talking I Love You NorthSouthEastWest dolls soon enough.
After kicking off her tour in Tokyo things started going downhill for Mariah Carey rather quickly.

First, her voice went, and then she dropped some hints during a cover of Billie Holiday’s ‘Don’t Explain’ that soon-to-be ex-husband Nick Cannon may have cheated on her.

In an audio recording from the show, you can hear Mimi change the lyrics from ‘Right or wrong don’t matter/And I know you cheat” to “I know you cheated, motherf–ker.”

First off, she’s no Jay Z when it comes to changing lyrics, and secondly I cannot imagine who would want Nick Cannon’s corny ass. But, if Mimi keeps this up, Tiny Bratz Doll Ariana Grande Latte will overtake her as the biggest diva in the world.
Short bites … rumors are swirling that Oprah wants to do a second season of the craptastic, lie-filled, Lindsay: On Her Own.

Seriously? That heifer needs to set down the cookies and think straight for a minute.
Y’all know that I think Gwyneth Paltrow is the worst, right? So high and mighty, so hardworking, such a great hardworking single mom with servants and million dollar paychecks; my.heart.bleeds. But what is fun about Goop is her feud with Domestic Diva, and Jailbird, Martha Stewart. 

What’s fun is how Martha laid down the law and told Paltrow she should stick to acting and stay out of the lifestyle game or risk being shivved at the Canyon Ranch spa during a mud bath. Or something.

And Gwyneth’s response? The “I don’t really care, I’m just being me” rant:

“First of all, no one has ever said anything bad about me before, so I’m shocked and devastated. I’ll try to recover. [She laughs] If I’m really honest, I’m so psyched that she sees us as competition. I’m so psyched. I really am. I think that when anybody criticizes anyone, it’s revealing more about where they are in time and space as opposed to where you are in time and space. I think generally we tend to lash out if we’re in a, you know it’s usually a reflection of something else.”

Bitch please. To say that Martha Stewart has anything to be intimidated by from Gwyneth “Harvey Weinstein Bought Me An Oscar” Paltrow is the height of hilarity. And it ain’t over because, you know, Martha always gets the last word, but that story is coming up …
So, The Brawlin’ Palins … a new police report details the fight that broke out at an Anchorage house party that including some of the Palin clan, like Blister, that blight on the family’s ass, who punched the host several times in the face.

No arrests were made, and no one wanted to press charges, but according to the report officers responded to the party after a report of a fight among about 20 people outside. According to incident reports, Blister, the grown-assed, single-mother, unemployed daughter of Mama Grizzly Bore™ punched the homeowner, Korey Klingenmeyer, several times and at one point ended up on the ground herself.

But the biggest and bestest part? Remember when the story broke and MGB™ took to Facebook to laugh the whole thing off as a lie because she wasn’t even in Alaska that night? Yeah, lie. The reports says that even though MGB™ was there, she didn’t throw any punches because, well, maybe she was drunk and passed out on the family snowmobile?

That sounds feasible … the family that brawls together falls together..
Well, we’re still waiting for the next Tom Cruise Handpicked Wife Pageant to begin, after a series of false starts.

First, he was rumored to be “romancing” his Mission: Impossible 5 co-star, Rebecca Ferguson because she was a Nicky Kidman look-a-like — how creepy is that, Tommy? But then he moved on from her and was set-up with Scientology robot, and OITNB actress Laura Prepon after a brief audition from Elisabeth Moss. And there were rumors that actress — writing that makes me laugh — and dancer, Julianne Hough, was on the short list, but then people began laughing about Tommy dating schoolgirls again — after practically marrying Katie Holmes at her high school prom — so he never went for Hough at all.

And now he’s set to make his move, ALLEGEDLY, and the National Enquirer says Tom’s ready to make his move with a woman closer to his own age, Sandra Bullock.

Oh.God.No. Run, Sandy, run.

According to the tabloid, friends of Tommy and Sandy are trying to set the two up for romance in what may be Hollywood’s hottest love new love match after Sandy’s divorce from her serial cheating husband, and after Tom’s third wife escaped the Cruise Compound with a sheet and a flashlight.

This story can’t be true. I mean, maybe it’s true that Tom’s people are putting out tabloid feelers but does anyone with half a brain think Sandra Bullock, sane, level headed down to earth Sandra Bullock, would ever hook-up, much less marry, Tiny Egomaniac Tommy Grrl Cruise?

Seriously? I mean look at that picture and the look on Sandy's face and the way she's leaning way back. Seriously, she's like someone get crazy away from me!
More tabloid gossip? Okay … Star Magazine is running a story that Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner’s marriage is on the rocks after Ben had an affair with Gone Girl co-star Emily Ratajkowski. And after his addiction to gambling kept getting him thrown out of casinos.

Now, Star doesn’t outright accuse Ben of cheating because, well, lawsuit, but they do drop a lot of hints that there was some nasty happening and that Jennifer found out and so Ben pays the price … by gushing about his wife in interviews which has insiders whispering that their lovey-dovey talk is hiding their marital crisis.

Which began when Ben handpicked — pun intended — Emily to play his lover in the film, and then got really close to her during filming because, well, research?
Research, indeed. And this isn’t the first time Ben’s been accused of cheating; he boinked a stripper while dating JLo and rumor has it he was very close to Blake Lively during the filming of The Town.

And where there’s smoke, there’s Jennifer Garner burning Ben’s suits on the back lawn.
What is it with British men having babies left and right, all willy nilly, and with whomever?

First we had High Grant knocking up two different women at the same time, and now comes word that Jude Law impregnated yet another woman whom he is no longer dating.

Here’s the story: Jude Law and Sadie Frost were married for years, and had three children together. They split up around the time Jude was filming Cold Mountain, and it was rumored he had an affair with Nicole Kidman.  After Sadie dumped Jude he began boinking Sienna Miller until he began banging his kids’ nanny. Then Jude a one night stand with Samantha Burke which resulted in another baby, daughter Sophia.

Skip ahead to today because Jude got his ex-girlfriend Catherine Harding pregnant.

Does he have an aversion to birth control? Or is he trying to out-hugh Grant?
I guess when your TV show bombs and you no longer have a regular paycheck, you need to cut back on expenses, right? I mean, how else can we explain why Halle Berry, who was ordered last spring to pay 16K a month in child support to her ex-baby-daddy, Gabriel Aubry, along with over $100,000 in missed child support payments. And that was reduced from the monthly 20K she’d been court ordered to pay in 2012.

Now, Halle’s pissed, and unemployed, and complaining that Aubry he has been living off child support, and she wants it stopped; or at least she wants her payments lowered from 16K a month to 3K. She says Gabriel is perfectly capable of getting a job and that by reducing the support it will force him to get a job — and then she’ll say he can’t parent because he’s always working — and she says 3K a month is a nice dome for daughter Nahla to have a comfortable life — though not as comfortable as life with Mama which then means Halle will say Nahla is better off with her.

Halle needs to stop; she made a baby with a man and then moved on with another man, with whom she made another baby. She needs to stop.

I mean, who does she think she is, Jude Law? Hugh Grant?
Back to Martha’s feud with Goop, and Martha’s latest high-larious salvo.

In the new issue of Martha Stewart Living, Martha went full-out assault badass on Paltrow by playing off Gwyneth’s break-up announcement that she and Chris Martin were “consciously uncoupling.”

Here’s the page in the magazine and here’s what it says:


“Every Thanksgiving table should be blessed with the presence of a long-married pair who bring out the best in each other, are completely enamored despite their differences, and leave every other guest thinking, I’ll have what they’re having. Our holiday pies honor such so there’s a pleasant mix of textures and flavors in every bite. No matter how you slice partnerships, each spotlighting the perfect marriage of crust and filling these six irresistible desserts, there is a whole lot to love.”

As you can see, “perfect marriage” is in BOLD!! Martha knows how to salt a wound.

Score: Stewart 2, Paltrow 1.

And what’s next? Jennifer Lawrence on the cover of Martha Stewart Living.

I.Can’t.Wait.
And, speaking of Jennifer Lawrence … We know Martha has a Goop Voodoo doll, but now even JLaw is taking swipes at Paltrow and her “lifestyle.”

In a new interview with Vanity Fair, Lawrence puts herself firmly in the bread-and-pasta crowd, saying gluten-free is “the new cool eating disorder, the ‘basically I just don’t eat carbs.’”

Now, that could be JLaw throwing shade at Goop because Paltrow is more famous now for her ALLEGED healthy eating than she is for her acting and recently published a cookbook of her favorite gluten-free recipes.

I sense a JLaw-MStew tag-team and I’m loving it.

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